Because the fact of the matter is that she was a lazy, entitled bitch who skated by on nothing but nepotism and lucky genetics. Prior to her untimely death, she was the oldest living and longest tenured employee at Dangerous Curves. Literally whatever you want, and I'd encourage you to be as harsh as possible.
A sucker for cold cuts and sores, this gargantuan goddess was best known for her freaky fast life. After getting charged with wee hickular mansl— okay, I think that might be enough.
We were on a first name basis and she treated me like a king whenever I came in. Call me old fashioned, but a guy like me would rather just skip the middle man and cum at home for no cost. I actually spent hours scouring the internet for anything that could lend credence to my claims, but couldn't find a single thing online about Dangerous Curves, aside from one Facebook that has a grand total of two posts.
With all that said though, and as much as I swear against strip clubs, I have one exception and one exception only. A little after John Corbett skipped town for Hollywood and a little before Paul Bissonnette skipped gainful employment for the Wheeling Nailers, Dangerous Curves was amidst an incredible run as the premiere sports-themed adult nightclub in the upper Ohio Valley. He'd just feel your face and if there was any semblance of fur or stubble, you were good to go.
Plus, I had a "thing" with the hostess-fed employee who was in charge of greeting people at the door and taking reservations.
Always a safe bet, you knew exactly what you were getting with Lynn. Are you supposed to acknowledge your boys' adjacent boners? Nicknamed after her grocery list, Marlene Mitchell was known for following a diet of strictly frozen pizza and cream soda, as well as her rambunctious antics during performances.
She once jumped off stage and accidentally landed directly on top of a tiny man wearing camouflage, killing him instantly. Gone way too soon — rest in the sweetest peace, Cyn. Blobby and Heft were singlehandedly responsible for the massive spike of international patrons — especially those of Indonesian and Malaysian origins — in McCoy was widely regarded as one of the biggest stars at Dangerous Curves, but as fat as she was, her husband "Fat Ken" was even fatter.
I'd be lying if I said I was a "regular" attendee, but Nick and I both went a handful of times as juniors and seniors in high school.
I think people justifiably assumed Nick and I were kidding about this place, but it was one of the few people, places, or things from our upbringing that we didn't make up in any manner. All rights reserved. InWhale Jr. But she hasn't done or accomplished anything of prominence since.
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Another silver lining would be that you'd probably find the whole thing extremely funny. The goat, the whole goat, and nothing but the goat. Zachary "Zoolander" Pope on his lifetime achievement award for pulling more pussy than checks notes ….
Their bouncer not only turned a blind eye to underage patrons, but he turned a blind eye to everything due to his severe diabetic retinopathy. Still is.
But in all seriousness, the only things I even slightly embellished about Dangerous Curves were some of the nicknames and descriptions of the strippers. Nick was obsessed with her.
The main services offered by the venue may have been eschewed for legal reasons, but make no mistake about it: Dangerous Curves doubles as a gym and going there inevitably meant that you'd be burning more calories than you were taking in.